I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
