There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
