you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize