guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
