My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
