Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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