I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
