How'd it feel making her break her religion?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So vagazzling was a success
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
