She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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