i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
