didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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