I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
