Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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