hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
