i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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