Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
