Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
