It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
