What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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