me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
