my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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