worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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