I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
