The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
