My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
