none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
