I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would ride that face into the sunset
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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