I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
