oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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