The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
