Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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