I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
