My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
