If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
