Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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