i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my poor anus
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Drake has all the answers
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
