The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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