im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
