Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
