But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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