how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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