Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i think i just lost a toe
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
