Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
