So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
