His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
MIDGETS
????
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
