today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
