I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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