Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
