At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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