today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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