anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
is wine microwaveable?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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