the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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