i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
