Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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