she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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