So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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