Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

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(501): View more from Arkansas

thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.

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(256): View more from Alabama

you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

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(778): View more from British Columbia

you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that

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(225): View more from Louisiana

My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.

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(818): View more from California

Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?

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