turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
