I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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