everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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