I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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