also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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