chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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