what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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